So its one of those nights that sleep seems to be a luxury and peace feels like a distant but desired destination. Sometimes you can know all the right words to say and all the right things to do, but it seems saying them or doing them is a futile pursuit because your heart cant feel them.
There are times that the heart can have a condition I like to call the, "Humpty Dumpty Syndrome". You know the line of the fable that reads, " And all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put Humpty together again?" That line best describes how your heart can sometimes feel. Cracked and broken beyond recognition and hope of repair. Chipped away at by hurtful words and actions from those you love the most until the shell of what is left is seemingly too fragile to hold anything as valuable as hope or as precious as love.
I have found myself repeating a dangerous cycle so often when I feel threatened by hurt and frightened to love. I tend to revert to the old, natural, fleshly way of trying to preserve the yolk or core of who I am. Self preservation! The law discovered or defined by man and defended by his limited understanding, when Christ says that the way to preserve life is to die daily. We don't like to hear such words, they strike fear, dread and doubt in us causing us to recoil and shut our emotions down even farther. This is all a fatal attempt to protect the very thing we need so desperately to surrender to Christ even more.
We must except that like Humpty, we will get knocked down off our wall; sometimes by our own careless doing, sometimes by the callous actions and painful words of others. BUT, unlike Humpty, it is not the kings horses or men trying to put us together again, it is the King Himself. We tend to fight what is uncomfortable or challenging to our natural senses and ways. One might say we even sabotage the very thing we need the most because it is the most unlikely course of action, the very opposite of what makes sense. I mean how totally absurd and backward does it sound to love more when it is your love that has been broken? How crazy for the King to tell me as I am laying here on the ground with the shell of who I am broken, my trust cracked, and my heart about to be exposed to the elements to love even more! Doesn't He of all people understand that might be the very thing to cause me to explode all to pieces?!
How can I risk being scrambled or poached altogether? I think I'll just hard boil myself so breaking isn't an option! That way none of my emotions risk getting swallowed up; but wait, if I allow such hardness where nothing can go out of me, that means nothing can get in either. Hum, maybe that's why the King said to love even more, that must make the center of who I am remain soft, or over easy if you will. I guess if I will keep the center, my heart, prepared the way that He knows is best for me, He will work on the outer shell. I suppose I must trust that all the outward blemishes and scars seen by everyone from all my falls, He knows how to repair until they no longer see cracks but mended seams.
It is not merely a frilly thought or well-wished Hallmark moment, but a real and tangible fact that, "love never fails!" It may fall but when sacrificed back to the King, and perfected through His heart, it can not fail.
Do not put your faith in men (or horses) that will only aid in your descent, but place it gently in the Kings masterful hands. He knows just the right material to mend you with and set you back in your rightful position.
Love to all, I pray this finds you mended, healed, and loved!
There are times that the heart can have a condition I like to call the, "Humpty Dumpty Syndrome". You know the line of the fable that reads, " And all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put Humpty together again?" That line best describes how your heart can sometimes feel. Cracked and broken beyond recognition and hope of repair. Chipped away at by hurtful words and actions from those you love the most until the shell of what is left is seemingly too fragile to hold anything as valuable as hope or as precious as love.
I have found myself repeating a dangerous cycle so often when I feel threatened by hurt and frightened to love. I tend to revert to the old, natural, fleshly way of trying to preserve the yolk or core of who I am. Self preservation! The law discovered or defined by man and defended by his limited understanding, when Christ says that the way to preserve life is to die daily. We don't like to hear such words, they strike fear, dread and doubt in us causing us to recoil and shut our emotions down even farther. This is all a fatal attempt to protect the very thing we need so desperately to surrender to Christ even more.
We must except that like Humpty, we will get knocked down off our wall; sometimes by our own careless doing, sometimes by the callous actions and painful words of others. BUT, unlike Humpty, it is not the kings horses or men trying to put us together again, it is the King Himself. We tend to fight what is uncomfortable or challenging to our natural senses and ways. One might say we even sabotage the very thing we need the most because it is the most unlikely course of action, the very opposite of what makes sense. I mean how totally absurd and backward does it sound to love more when it is your love that has been broken? How crazy for the King to tell me as I am laying here on the ground with the shell of who I am broken, my trust cracked, and my heart about to be exposed to the elements to love even more! Doesn't He of all people understand that might be the very thing to cause me to explode all to pieces?!
How can I risk being scrambled or poached altogether? I think I'll just hard boil myself so breaking isn't an option! That way none of my emotions risk getting swallowed up; but wait, if I allow such hardness where nothing can go out of me, that means nothing can get in either. Hum, maybe that's why the King said to love even more, that must make the center of who I am remain soft, or over easy if you will. I guess if I will keep the center, my heart, prepared the way that He knows is best for me, He will work on the outer shell. I suppose I must trust that all the outward blemishes and scars seen by everyone from all my falls, He knows how to repair until they no longer see cracks but mended seams.
It is not merely a frilly thought or well-wished Hallmark moment, but a real and tangible fact that, "love never fails!" It may fall but when sacrificed back to the King, and perfected through His heart, it can not fail.
Do not put your faith in men (or horses) that will only aid in your descent, but place it gently in the Kings masterful hands. He knows just the right material to mend you with and set you back in your rightful position.
Love to all, I pray this finds you mended, healed, and loved!